Way back in the day Hank Williams Jr had a hit song on the country stations called “Attitude Adjustments.” It was a lighthearted view on people who needed just that, an adjustment. It comes to mind now and then, when I see something that needs to change. This time, the one who needs changing is me. Or, at least, it’s my attitude that needs adjustment.
Some may call it mere coincidence, but I prefer to call it providence. I don’t see another word for it. I have a list of scripture verses that I collected as I began my war journal journey, most gleaned from Youtube videos of women sharing their own prayer journals / war binders. Today the verse was Psalm 61:2
From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Bam. Right between the eyes!. Those are king David’s words, but it’s exactly how I feel today. I read the whole psalm and it resonated with me. My heart is indeed overwhelmed today. A young son whose behavior (not the right word for it) is still a mystery to me –and the doctors; dishes and debt piling up (hospital bills, anyone?); the Go-Go’s taunting me with a “Vacation” that isn’t going to happen. C’est la vie, dahling. C’est la guerre. Life happens. But it still hurts. And the biggest hurt? A conflict with a sister in Christ.
Have I talked with her about it? Not yet. Will I discuss it here? Nope. This one involves only God, her, and myself. So why am I not discussing this with her? Because I’m not ready for that conversation yet. I need to sort this out with the Lord first. And I need to adjust my attitude.
Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer,
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For You have been a shelter to me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever,
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.
That’s where I am right now, crying to the Lord. I also discussed it a bit with my husband last night because what happened stung a bit. I admit, anger did seep in a little. My feelings do get a little hurt now and then. In the past I’ve found it easier to be angry and say or do something about it rather than just to acknowledge the “Ouch! That hurt” that I’m really feeling. Hence the need for the attitude adjustment on my own part.
My husband suggested trying to see things from her perspective. Take into account her life, her age, her spiritual age, her experiences in life. Some of this I know, some I can only guess at. Did she realize that she hurt me? Was it intentional? Probably not. Does that make the hurt any less? Not really.
But if I had gone to her in anger, the problem would have escalated. I had a retort I could have used (it came to me a few hours after the incident. I have a hair trigger tongue at times but my brain isn’t always as fast as my mouth is). If I’d done that, she would have gotten angry. Others may have gotten involved. All over something small.
I do need to have a conversation with her because I don’t want strife with anyone, especially not a sister. It was still on my mind this morning so I did a little search on attitudes. Some of what I found:
- 1 Corinthians 16:14 “Let all that you do be done with love.
- Romans 14:19 “Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.”
- and Ephesians 4:31, 32: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God forgave you.“
Be kind to one another. Tenderhearted. Forgiving. Those aren’t always easy. But it is what Christ expects. And I don’t want to lose my soul, especially over something small.